Experiencing a miscarriage can be painful and it is often isolating. It can leave you and your partner to grapple with grief, confusion, and a profound sense of loss. While you may experience physical recovery in days or weeks following the miscarriage, the emotional and psychological effects of it can linger long after. The trauma of losing a pregnancy includes the sadness of an unrealized future along with feelings of guilt, shame, and uncertainty.
In this blog, we will dive into the complex emotions linked to miscarriage trauma, from immediate shock and grief to a long healing journey. We will get into the importance of acknowledging and processing miscarriage trauma while also explaining the significance of seeking professional support. A path toward emotional recovery is totally possible! Whether it is you or someone you know who has experienced a miscarriage, this blog will serve as a valuable tool filled with insights and coping skills to help you navigate this difficult experience.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, couples, and families with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
How does a miscarriage affect a woman mentally?
A miscarriage can have a profound impact on your mental and emotional well-being as a woman. The loss of pregnancy is a physical one, but it is just as much an emotional experience as well that can trigger many psychological reactions. Understanding how a miscarriage can impact you is impactful for you as a woman, along with people who make up your support system.
Grief and sadness are some of the top ways in which a miscarriage can impact you. The loss of a pregnancy can cause deep sorrow and mourning, particularly if you have begun to envision your future with your baby. This can almost make the grief feel like a loss of a dream instead of a reality. This causes the emotional pain to feel overwhelming since you are not only grieving the loss of a pregnancy, but you are also grieving the future you imagined with your child. This grief is similar to the mourning process for any other major loss and it may vary in intensity over time. For support, check out our blog “Grieving A Life That Never Was.”
Guilt and self-blame usually follows grief and sadness. Many women mistakenly feel responsible for the miscarriage even though it was not their fault as it is often way beyond their control. They may wonder if they did things differently, such as avoiding stress or making different lifestyle choices, that a miscarriage could have been avoided. This can easily lead to feelings of guilt and self-blame even though the miscarriage may be due to factors outside of your control. These feelings will only delay the healing process and add an unnecessary emotional burden.
After a miscarriage occurs, many women enter a state of anxiety and fear where they may worry about their inability to have a healthy pregnancy in the future. This fear of further complications and potential future loss can create a high level of anxiety, especially if there is a history of miscarriages or if the pregnancy was early on. This anxiety can manifest in many ways, including obsessive thoughts or constant worry about future pregnancies, and women may feel apprehensive when it comes to trying to conceive again. If you are struggling, check out our blog “Do I Have Anxiety? Take The Quiz and Learn 5 Instant Calming Tips.”
The emotional weight of a miscarriage can lead to depressive symptoms, especially if you feel a major sense of loss, isolation, or hopelessness. Hormonal changes also occur after a miscarriage which can add to feelings of sadness or depression.
What does depression after a miscarriage look like?
Persistent sadness
A lack of interest in daily activities
Difficulty sleeping (Check out our blog “What Is The Main Cause of Insomnia?”)
A sense of emotional numbness
If you resonate with the above signs of depression, it is important to seek professional help if your feelings are interfering with your ability to live your daily life. For more information, read our blog “Sadness vs Depression: When to Get Help.”
A miscarriage can leave you feeling disconnected from your own body and even your sense of identity if you have already begun to view yourself and identify as a mother. This sense of loss goes beyond the pregnancy and may impact your self-worth. Women may feel disconnected from their bodies and experience a shift in their sense of purpose. If those around you have not experienced a miscarriage or do not understand your deep sense of loss, you may begin to feel isolated.
Some women may even experience emotional numbness as a protective response to the trauma and loss. This can be the brain’s way of coping with overwhelming feelings by temporarily shutting down emotions to avoid the intensity of your grief. While this may help you get through the immediate aftermath of a miscarriage, emotional detachment can actually interfere with processing grief in the long-run which can potentially prolong the healing process.
A miscarriage is an unpredictable and uncontrollable event. This uncertainty surrounding the cause of the miscarriage and the future of your fertility can create a sense of powerlessness. This can lead to feelings of helplessness, frustration, or anger, especially when you do not know what happened or what went wrong.
How does a man feel after a miscarriage?
The emotional impact that a miscarriage can have on men is often overlooked, but it can be just as profound as it is for women. Although men may not experience the same physical symptoms as women, they can still go through significant emotional and psychological processes.
The grief, confusion, and sense of loss that men feel after a miscarriage depends on the following factors:
Their relationship to the pregnancy
Their emotional expression
The dynamics of their partnership
Many men feel isolated in their grief, especially if they feel like their partner’s grief is more socially accepted or validated by other people. Society often expects men to be strong and not openly express vulnerabilities which can stop them from seeking professional help when needed or halts them from sharing their true feelings. This isolation may even cause conflict within the relationship if the male partner emotionally distances himself from the female partner. Feelings of loneliness and a sense of being misunderstood can begin to build up. Some men may also feel like their grief is secondary to the woman’s experience of the miscarriage.
Men may also experience frustration, especially if they feel a lack of control over the situation. The unpredictable nature of a miscarriage and the inability to prevent or reverse it can cause feelings of anger toward himself or the situation as a whole. This anger may become misdirected- at themselves, their partner, loved ones, medical professionals, and so on. Therefore, it is important to find constructive ways to work through the anger and express it. For more information, check out our blog “The Most Important Things You Need To Know About Anger Management.”
Men also often feel a sense of responsibility for their significant other’s emotional and physical welfare. They can be so focused on helping their partner cope with this profound loss that they may do it at the expense of their own grief. Supporting your partner is a very natural thing to do but it can lead to emotional burnout if one continues to neglect their own needs. Some men may feel torn between supporting their partner and giving themselves the care they need and deserve.
A miscarriage can also impact the dynamics of a woman’s relationship with her significant other. Both partners may grieve differently and communication breakdowns may occur if both people are unable to express their feelings in ways that the other person understands. This can lead to emotional distance, tension, and/or frustration between partners. It is important for both people to communicate openly and honestly and seek support when needed to navigate emotions.
How do you say goodbye to a miscarried baby?
Saying goodbye to a miscarried baby is a very personal and emotionally-charged experience. It looks different for everyone and there is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve or say goodbye. What feels meaningful to one person may not resonate with another person, and vice versa. However, creating a moment of closure can help you honor the baby’s life while allowing both you and your partner to move forward.
For some people, having a quiet, private moment to reflect and say goodbye to the baby is enough. This can be in a peaceful place, perhaps on a beach or in the comfort of your own home for example. The couple may take a few moments to talk about the baby, share their feelings, and just openly express their grief. A private moment can help you reflect without having the pressure of external things. It allows you to honor and mourn your baby in your own unique way.
Depending on cultural, religious, or personal beliefs, some parents may turn to rituals or spiritual practices to say goodbye. Some examples may include a prayer, blessings, or specific traditions that provide a sense of peace. Comfort and a sense of connection to a higher power may help you rest.
Some people value the physical release of letting something go in nature as a symbolic way to say goodbye. This could look like letting balloons go up in the sky, planting a tree, spreading flower petals, and so on. These kinds of nature-based rituals can help you feel connected to the earth and your child in a more universal way.
Sometimes, sharing the goodbye with loved ones is all you need to gain some comfort. This could involve having loved ones together for a small memorial or sharing stories. Acknowledging the loss with your support system present can make the situation feel less isolating and more supported. Community support during this time period can validate your grief and create a shared space for openly mourning.
What is miscarriage PTSD?
Miscarriage Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) occurs when a woman or couple experiences a miscarriage that leaves them with emotional scars to the point that it interferes with living daily life. Not everyone who experiences a miscarriage will develop PTSD; however, the trauma of the experience often leads to ongoing distress and symptoms that may be associated with PTSD. This can especially happen if the miscarriage was very traumatic or you have a history of trauma or difficulty coping with loss.
All in all, miscarriages can lead to PTSD. Some studies estimate that 25 to 29% of women experience PTSD after a miscarriage.
What does miscarriage PTSD look like?
Individuals with PTSD may experience vivid, distressing memories of the miscarriage that seem to replay in their minds over and over again. They can sometimes be triggered by sights, sounds, or smells that remind them of the event. They might continue to relive the emotional and physical pain of the miscarriage as if it is happening again.
In an effort to avoid reliving your trauma, you may consciously or unconsciously avoid places, people, or situations that remind you of your miscarriage. For example, you may begin to avoid social gatherings, specific medical appointments, or even conversations about pregnancy or childbirth.
Emotional numbness and disconnection from your surroundings may occur as well. You may struggle to feel joy or sadness which can cause you to withdraw from family members, friends, and even activities you once enjoyed doing. This emotional detachment can be a defense mechanism to cope with the overwhelming pain and loss you are experiencing.
You may also constantly feel on edge, get easily startled, or become excessively anxious about things that remind you of the miscarriage or the possibility of another loss of pregnancy. You can become overly cautious or worry about things outside of your control, such as your health; future pregnancies; and the welfare of your significant other.
Many individuals with PTSD experience sleep disturbances, like insomnia, trouble staying asleep, or nightmares about the miscarriage. Disturbing dreams or the inability to rest can worsen feelings of exhaustion, stress, and emotional imbalance. Poor sleep can impact your daily functioning, mental clarity, and emotional well-being. This can make it harder to cope with the grief and trauma of the miscarriage.
People with PTSD may experience extreme emotional reactions to relatively small triggers. For example, simply seeing a pregnant woman could cause intense sadness, anger, or frustration. This kind of heightened emotional response can feel uncontrollable and distressing.
When should I seek professional help for miscarriage PTSD?
PTSD is a serious mental health concern that can have a long-lasting impact on your emotional well-being. It is important to recognize some of the signs of PTSD that are outlined above and seek the support of a trauma counselor at Anchor Therapy. If symptoms persist for weeks or months after the miscarriage or if they significantly interfere with your daily life, it is time to seek professional mental health care.
What are the benefits of therapy for miscarriage PTSD?
Validating emotions and grief
Processing trauma and healing from loss
Developing healthy coping strategies
Addressing guilt and self-blame
Processing difficult emotions and reducing avoidance
Building emotional resilience
Supporting relationship health
Enhancing self-care and mental health
Providing a safe space for expressing fears about future pregnancies
Rebuilding hope and finding meaning
In conclusion, understanding the trauma of a miscarriage is important to acknowledging the deep emotional and psychological impact it has on you as a woman and on your relationship. The grief, loss, and emotional turmoil that follow can be overwhelming, and it’s important to recognize that healing is not linear.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager, Intake Coordinator, and Community Engagement Director at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark and is currently studying Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media/community presence and prioritizing clients' needs.
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