Couples Counseling
ABOUT COUPLES THERAPY (premarital counseling & marriage counseling):
Couples counseling can be beneficial at any stage of the relationship. Relationships take a lot of work and understanding to deal with stressful life situations. Whether you are struggling with communication, infidelity, loss of intimacy, or just feeling plain stuck, couples therapy can be a great tool to help you move forward. You and your partner will be able to better understand the problem, learn how to improve communication, and change problematic behaviors in a healthy way. No matter the current situation, counseling can help a couple better understand each other’s needs and learn how to maintain a life of satisfaction and teamwork.
There are many benefits to working with a couples therapist. A major advantage of attending relationship counseling is gaining a deeper understanding of your relationship dynamics. Does one person have more power in the relationship over another? Are there specific negative communication patterns that consistently arise? How do you both handle conflict? When you begin to answer these questions, you can understand the patterns that arise in your relationship (both the good and the bad!). This is very important in healing your relationship and strengthening your bond.
A recently engaged couple might find it a great opportunity to openly discuss future goals, hopes, and fears for the future, while a married couple of many years can use marriage counseling to find ways to help their relationship maintain its excitement and romance. Our psychotherapists have worked with couples from all backgrounds including the LGBTQIA+ and polyamorous communities, and work to develop a strategy that best fits the needs of each couple. Couples counseling is a great way to strengthen your relationship so you can come together during times of major life change and transition.
A relationship counselor should be someone both you and your partner trust. Your couples therapist is an impartial sounding board, listening intently to what the both of you are voicing and providing honest, unbiased feedback. When you hear about your relationship from a neutral party, it gives you the opportunity to view your connection from a new lens.
The Gottman Method gives you the chance to show up in your natural form. Once you do that, you can get a professional opinion on what your next step is. Your couples counselor can help you handle potential long-term consequences that may develop from your decisions. They can also show you how your actions might or might not align with the goals of your relationship.
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Common areas of concern addressed in couples therapy include issues with:
Money
Parenting
Sex
Affairs and infidelity
Chronic health issues
Communication issues
Infertility
Emotional distance
Overcoming trauma
Frequent conflict
Pre-marital and marriage issues
Significant life events
Unfortunately, many couples seek couples counseling late. In other words, a lot of damage may have already ensued. Whether negative relational patterns have become established, your emotional connection with your partner has been weakened, or resentment has accrued due to past unresolved conflicts, there are many instances when couples counseling or marriage counseling can help your partnership.
Misconceptions surrounding couples therapy:
There can be misconceptions surrounding couples therapy and its purpose which may prevent you and your partner from seeking help from a relationship therapist. Some people may incorrectly think that couples therapy is only for serious issues, like addiction or infidelity. Others may think it is a last-ditch effort before separation or divorce. While other people may be attracted to couples counseling because they think that their partner is the “problem” and that they do nothing wrong.
Many people are not aware of all of the benefits of couples counseling as it can treat a wide variety of relational problems. Relationship therapy can be helpful in improving overall relationship satisfaction.
While the focus in couples therapy is on the partnership, it may be surprising to know that individual, personal growth is often a result of it as well. In therapy, you are going to increase your self-awareness. The aspiration of counseling to have a deeper understanding of not only your partner’s needs, but your needs as well. By exploring areas in your life that you do not find satisfying, you can discover a lot about yourself.
How to know couples therapy is for you:
You notice you are getting into the same arguments with your partner(s) over and over
Almost all communication is negative and/or leads to fights
You feel your partner(s) doesn’t understand you
You find that the romance and intimacy of the relationship has been replaced with frustration and distance
You or your partner(s) lie or keep secrets
Attempting to connect with your partner(s) makes you feel sad or lonely
You feel you don’t talk to your partner(s) as much anymore, or at least not in a meaningful way
You have had a hard time creating time with your partner(s) after having children
Experiencing a betrayal of trust can cause you to feel like you don’t even know this person anymore
You and your partner(s) feel indifferent towards one another
You view each other as the Antagonist
You or your partner are being dishonest about finances
And more!
WHAT TO EXPECT FROM COUPLES THERAPY AT ANCHOR THERAPY:
While relationship issues are very hurtful, they are very common. Couples counseling can help with many issues within your relationship, whether you’re working on strengthening your relationship or you are looking to work towards a separation. By meeting with our skilled relationship therapists, you can find new healing and lasting intimacy.
Couples counseling can rebuild the intimate connection that you once had. In couples therapy, your therapist works as a neutral party to create a safe place for couples to communicate openly and effectively. Often, when you are struggling with a romantic partner, feeling safe is a difficult achievement and something that both partners struggle with.
To truly heal your connection, you must be willing to be vulnerable and honest which can, understandably, be a scary experience. Luckily, couples therapy can provide you with a safe space. It is here that boundaries are formed and respected, and where a neutral third party oversees the process and interjects when necessary. Therefore, both you and your partner can lean into this and communicate effectively in your safe space.
As your relationship therapist, we will not pick a side of a partner; we are on the couple’s side. We are there to guide you and help you towards your goals as a couple. Couples counseling can be extremely rewarding if you are seeking ways to nourish or mend your connection.
No relationship is perfect, and there will inevitably be some difficult times, but those hard times do not have to dominate your relationship. When you have the right coping skills, you and your partner can get through the hardships. Effective coping mechanisms and couples therapy techniques can not only help remedy immediate relationship issues, but it also serves as a guide for dealing with the next tough time in your relationship or marriage. Couples counseling is an investment into your future. Research has proven that couples therapy has a positive impact on roughly 70% of couples who attend this form of counseling.
Couples counseling can boost communication skills so you and your partner can communicate more productively and effectively. While counseling looks different for each couple, your couples therapist may have you practice various communication exercises for couples. A primary benefit of focusing on communication is that you can transfer the skills you learn to other areas of your life outside of your romantic relationship. It can support you professionally, with family and friends, and even in situations where conflict arises. There is always room for improvement when it comes to communication skills.
What if my partner doesn’t want to come in for counseling?
In order for couples therapy to work, we will need all partners present. With that said, we recommend talking to your partner and telling them that going to couples therapy is something that is truly important to you. Tell your partner to give couples counseling a try. If your partner agrees, you can try out three sessions.
If after those three sessions they still do not want to attend, you can then discuss how you both plan to move forward. If your partner still does not want to come in for couples counseling, then you can still benefit from coming in for individual therapy sessions and work on your relationship that way. We have certified relationship counselors who can work with you in a one-on-one setting to help bring clarity to relationship issues and teach you strategic and effective coping skills which can begin to resolve relationship roadblocks.
As you work on yourself in therapy, you will be able to take communication skills back to your relationship and watch it change and grow in that way. As your partner notices the positive changes that you are making within yourself, they may be more interested in attending counseling at that time too. By presenting your best self to your partner, it will help strengthen and grow your relationship.
By attending individual counseling sessions, you can become more secure in what you want. Knowing what you want in a relationship and being able to voice that is powerful, but it is not always easy. A relationship counselor can help you uncover your needs and wants while also encouraging you to be honest about these feelings.
Therapy can also enhance your self-esteem and help you comprehend your authentic compatibility. Counseling works to improve your self-worth and, when you feel better about yourself, the better your relationships can be. High self-esteem can also impact the kind of people you let stay in your life.
A major component of individual counseling that can be helpful for your relationship is learning to identify unhealthy patterns and how to alter them. If you feel like your relationship is stuck in a toxic loop, then you may be stuck in an unhealthy pattern. A relationship therapist can help you pinpoint these patterns while also providing you with the tools to actively change them. You may have engaged in unhealthy patterns for so long that you do not even categorize the behaviors negatively anymore. In order to objectively view your situation, you must also self-assess.
If your partner does want to attend couples counseling sessions, it could still be beneficial for one or both of you to attend individual therapy sessions with different relationship specialized therapists so that you can work on yourself and your relationship at the same time.
What are the next steps to start couples therapy?
WORKING WITH US IS EASY
Fill out the contact form below. If you feel comfortable, please explain a little bit about yourself, your relationship, and what you’re looking for help with.
Our intake coordinator will get back to you with more information on how we can help and to schedule an appointment. We will set you up with an experienced licensed therapist who specializes in what you're seeking help with and who understands your needs.
You’ll rest easy tonight knowing you made the first step to improve your life.
