Long-distance relationships can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, they offer space for individual growth, and on the other, they come with unique emotional challenges that can take a toll on mental health. Research shows that 60% of long-distance relationships are considered successful in the long run.
With that being said, couples who are physically separated often face feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and uncertainty. If your communication is not consistent or healthy, these emotions can be exacerbated. So, how can long-distance couples navigate these hurdles? Is it truly possible for long-distance relationships to thrive? In this blog post, we will dive into the different aspects of long-distance relationships, including what can make them work and what can cause them to fail.
Trust, clear communication, and a shared vision for the future are all essential components of a healthy, successful long-distance relationship. As with any relationship, there needs to be a healthy balance between connection and independence. Luckily, there are many mental health strategies that can help you and your partner maintain a strong bond while also caring for one another’s emotional well-being. From coping mechanisms to relationship-building tips, you can learn to make the distance work for you and not against you.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, couples, and families with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
What is the hardest thing in a long-distance relationship?
The hardest thing in a long-distance relationship is often the physical separation and the sense of missing out on everyday moments. While technology makes it easier to stay in touch, nothing truly replaces the presence of your partner—whether it is holding hands, hugging, or simply being able to share a quiet evening together. That absence of physical closeness can create a deep longing and even feelings of loneliness. This sense of longing and complex emotions can be at play even when you and your significant other have a strong emotional connection. It may be hard when you cannot share spontaneous moments with your partner or see their facial expressions in person.
Partners in a long-distance relationship can experience a wide range of emotions, both positive and negative. While every romantic connection is unique, the nature of being physically separated from your partner can intensify emotions and foster a complex dynamic.
How might partners feel in a long-distance romantic connection?
Loneliness and missing one another
Frustration and impatience
Jealousy
Trust and insecurity
Love and deep emotional connection
Hope and optimism
Resentment
Independence and growth
Gratitude and appreciation
Another major challenge is uncertainty about the future. In a long-distance relationship, the “when” and “how” of eventually being together can be unclear. Without a set timeline for reunification, it is easy to feel like you are putting your life on hold or wondering if the relationship will survive the distance. This uncertainty can lead to anxiety and doubt, as each person may feel insecure about where the relationship is headed or if it will withstand the emotional toll that distance brings. This is why communication becomes extra important in a long-distance romantic connection.
Lastly, jealousy and trust issues can become more prominent when you are apart. Not having constant access to your partner’s daily activities or not knowing exactly what they’re doing, can stir up feelings of insecurity or fear of betrayal. In a regular relationship, there may be more transparency simply by being around each other, but in a long-distance relationship, partners need to work extra hard to build trust and maintain open communication to combat those emotions.
While distance presents unique hurdles, many couples find that these struggles can be overcome with patience, intentional effort, and a shared commitment to making the relationship work. However, the emotional difficulty of being apart is often one of the toughest things to navigate.
Is it normal to feel disconnected in a long-distance relationship?
Yes, it’s completely normal to feel disconnected in a long-distance relationship at times. Distance naturally creates a gap in physical presence which can make it harder to maintain the same level of emotional intimacy you might experience when you are together in person. When you are not able to see your partner every day, share spontaneous moments, or have regular physical touch, it can sometimes lead to a sense of emotional distance or disconnection. This is a common challenge, and it is important to recognize that feeling disconnected does not necessarily mean the relationship is in trouble. Instead, it is just a part of the long-distance relationship.
One of the reasons for this disconnection is the lack of everyday interaction. In a geographically close relationship, small moments—like sharing a meal, going on a walk, or simply being in the same room—help build a natural, ongoing connection. In contrast, long-distance relationships rely on scheduled, often less frequent communication, which can make those deeper, everyday connections harder to maintain. Without those daily exchanges, partners might feel like they are losing touch or falling out of sync with each other’s lives, leading to feelings of isolation and/or emotional distance.
Another factor contributing to disconnection is the emotional strain that comes with being apart. Long-distance relationships can be taxing, and the emotional effort required to keep the relationship strong may sometimes feel overwhelming. When the relationship requires more work than usual, it can leave one or both partners feeling drained, leading to a temporary sense of disconnection. In these moments, feelings of loneliness, frustration, or uncertainty about the future can make it harder to feel emotionally engaged with your partner.
What are red flags in a long-distance relationship?
Secretive behavior
Consistently avoiding face-to-face communication
Inconsistent availability
Lack of communication
Disrespecting boundaries
Inability to plan for the future
Constant jealousy or possessiveness
Gaslighting or manipulation (Read our blog “3 Steps to Survive Gaslighting”)
Feeling drained or neglected
No effort to visit or close the distance
Disinterest in your life
However, feeling disconnected does not have to be permanent. In fact, it should not be a permanent feeling in a long-distance relationship. Many couples experience phases of emotional disconnection and find ways to reconnect. Regular and meaningful communication, setting aside quality time for each other, and finding ways to stay involved in each other's lives—even from a distance—can help rebuild that closeness. Additionally, working through these feelings together can even strengthen the relationship as it encourages emotional growth, deeper trust, and more open communication. So, while feeling disconnected is normal, it is also something that can be addressed and fixed with patience and effort.
How do people deal with long-distance relationships?
People handle long-distance relationships in various ways, depending on their personalities, communication styles, and the circumstances of their separation. However, there are some common strategies that many successful couples adopt to keep the connection strong despite the physical distance between them.
First and foremost, clear and open communication is key. Couples in long-distance relationships often make an intentional effort to stay in touch regularly, whether through texting, phone calls, video chats, voice notes, and so on. The goal here is to maintain a sense of emotional intimacy. For more information, read our blog “How to Unlock Emotional Closeness in Your Relationship with an Intimacy Therapist.”
Many people find that setting aside specific times to talk helps provide structure and ensures that both partners feel heard and valued, reducing feelings of loneliness. One important thing to remember here is that it is not about how much you talk to your significant other, but about the quality of your conversations as well. Are you just talking about surface-level things? Or are you shifting the focus to deep, meaningful conversations to bridge the gap that distance creates?
Trust and emotional support are also critical. Long-distance relationships test the foundation of trust, and maintaining that trust often involves transparency about feelings, expectations, and concerns. In a relationship, both people need to feel secure which is where making an effort to share day-to-day experiences and staying emotionally connected comes into play. At the same time, time apart is needed to give each other the space to focus on individual growth. Personal independence, whether through pursuing hobbies or career goals, helps partners feel fulfilled and less dependent on constant contact for emotional stability.
Another important factor is setting clear goals for the future. Couples who are in long-distance relationships often find it easier to cope when they have a mutual vision of when and how the distance will end. Are you both working towards a long-term relationship? Are you both willing to make the effort to see each other despite the distance? What do future living arrangements look like? Having something concrete to look forward to can provide hope and reassurance. When you have no sense of direction, the relationship may feel aimless which can lead to feelings of frustration and emotional burnout.
Lastly, maintaining a positive mindset and practicing self-care is essential for mental well-being. Long-distance can stir up feelings of isolation or anxiety, and it is important for each person to take care of their emotional health. For more information, check out our blog “The 8 Forms of Self-Care and How You Can Practice Them.”
This might mean leaning on friends and family for support, engaging in activities that boost self-esteem, or seeking professional help when needed. Couples who prioritize their mental health tend to handle the stresses of being apart more effectively, allowing them to stay emotionally resilient through the ups and downs of the relationship.
What are the components of a healthy long-distance relationship?
Trust and transparency
Effective communication (Check out our blog “4 Communication Tips Couples Need to Know”)
Emotional support
Independence and personal growth
Shared goals and future planning
Physical touch and intimacy (Read our blog “What to Expect in Sex Therapy”)
Mutual respect for boundaries (View our blog “How to Understand and Develop Boundaries in Relationships”)
Fun and connection
Ultimately, people in long-distance relationships learn to adapt and find ways to make the situation work for them. It is all about finding a balance between staying connected and fostering independence, all while nurturing the trust and commitment that are crucial for the relationship to flourish despite the distance.
Couples counseling for long-distance relationships
Couples counseling for long-distance relationships can be incredibly beneficial for addressing the unique challenges that come with being physically separated. While traditional couples therapy often involves face-to-face sessions, counseling for long-distance couples can be just as effective when conducted through a video or phone call. For more information, check out our blog “Your Guide to Online Therapy.”
Here's how online couples counseling can help long-distance couples…
1. Building Stronger Communication Skills
One of the primary benefits of counseling for long-distance connections is improving communication. Misunderstandings and emotional disconnection can arise more easily when you are not physically together. If you are communicating through text, you may not be able to hear the tone in your partner’s voice. Phone and video calls offer limited acknowledgment of body language and so on. Therefore, working with a couples counselor at Anchor Therapy can help both you and your partner learn how to communicate more clearly and effectively. A couples therapist can teach techniques for active listening, expressing needs and feelings openly, and resolving conflicts in a healthy manner.
2. Managing Trust and Insecurity
Trust is a significant concern in long-distance relationships, and many couples struggle with feelings of insecurity or jealousy when they are not physically present. A couples counselor can help partners work through trust issues by addressing fears of abandonment, infidelity, or feelings of being forgotten. If you resonate with these case scenarios, check out our blogs “Healing Abandonment Trauma with Inner Work” and “The Stages of Affair Recovery.”
They can also provide guidance on how to establish boundaries and build a stronger sense of emotional security, helping each person feel valued and reassured even from afar.
3. Setting Realistic Expectations and Goals
In long-distance relationships, it is easy to get caught up in unrealistic expectations about how often you should communicate, how things will work when you are together, or the timeline for closing the distance. Couples counseling can help couples set clear, achievable goals for their relationship and discuss realistic expectations for their time apart. A relationship therapist can guide couples in identifying what works best for them in terms of communication frequency, visit schedules, and long-term plans. This clarity can reduce stress and feelings of frustration.
While long-distance relationships present a unique set of challenges, they can absolutely work when both partners are committed to nurturing their emotional connection and adapting to the demands of being apart. Successful long-distance romantic relationships are built on trust, communication, shared goals, and a willingness to put in the effort to make the relationship thrive. Distance may test your patience and resilience, but it is also an opportunity to grow your emotional closeness with your significant other!
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager, Intake Coordinator, and Community Engagement Director at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark and is currently studying Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media/community presence and prioritizing clients' needs.
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