A lot of mental health professionals offer therapy, but what does it mean to find the right therapist for you? The truth is that finding some who you fit with like a perfect puzzle can be a complex journey. People have compared finding the right therapist to apartment hunting in the sense that you have to deal with a rather over-crowded market. Demand is high and the availability is restricted. You may have to see a few apartments before you find the right fit for you.
Finding a licensed mental health counselor who you jive with takes time and dedicated effort on your behalf. From hours of searching online to speaking with coordinating teams to ensure your schedules and other factors align, the process can be lengthy. Luckily, if you are in the greater New York City area, Anchor Therapy is here to help!
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, couples, and families with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
Why is it so hard to find the right therapist?
Sometimes, it can feel like when we really need an unbiased shoulder to lean on, we cannot find it. At times, it can be easy to feel like therapy is out of reach. Trying to track down a therapist who has the availability you need, specializes in your areas of concern, and one who you can afford is no easy feat.
According to My Denver Therapy, since 2020, 30% of American adults have seen a mental health counselor. Every year, about 20% of American adults experience mental health concerns, such as anxiety and depression. Each year, about 17% of United States adolescents seek the support of a psychotherapist. These numbers are only rising each year.
If you believe you may be struggling with anxiety or depression, find out your results by engaging with our Anxiety Quiz by reading our blog “Do I Have Anxiety? Take the Quiz and Learn 5 Instant Calming Tips” and take our Depression Quiz.
Therapy is also a highly intimate experience. It is not like finding a primary care doctor or another health specialist. This is the person who is going to give you unbiased guidance as you discuss your deepest desires, fears, and general areas of concern.
Personal fit is arguably one of the most important aspects of finding a psychotherapist. Mental health counseling goes beyond a mere clinical or procedural process- it is a personal journey where you need a strong, reliable connection with your therapist as a client.
The connection between a therapist and client is referred to as the therapeutic alliance.
The following are key components of a healthy therapist-client therapeutic relationship:
Trust
Empathy
Clear communication
Mutual respect
Collaboration
Boundaries (Read our blog “6 Ways to Set Boundaries and Enforce Them”)
Consistency and reliability
If you do not feel understood or supported by your therapist, it may be hard for you to really open up and fully engage in the therapeutic process. In a good therapeutic relationship, your own therapist-client relationship can become a source for healing. This makes having a good personal fit with your mental health counselor even more important.
Each person brings their unique personality, needs, and experiences into their therapy sessions. Even if a mental health counselor has great credentials and many years of experience, if the type of therapy they specialize in does not suit your needs, the relationship may not work. For example, if you are someone who wants to unpack childhood trauma, but your therapist only focuses on direct, solutions-focused counseling, it is not a great fit for what you are looking for. For someone who wants to work on present issues for a confined amount of time, this counselor may work very well.
Communication styles may even be a dealbreaker for you. Perhaps you are looking for someone with a lot of empathy who makes space to have reflections during your therapy sessions. A therapist who is very direct and only focuses on the solution may not align with you. Therapy can feel less like a chore and something that you actually want to do when you find a psychotherapist who suits your needs.
Your personal and cultural identity also play a role in counseling. Perhaps you are part of the LGBTQIA+ community and you are seeking a LGBTQIA+ therapist who is also a part of your community to ensure that they really know your background, values, and identity. If you are part of another marginalized community, finding a culturally competent therapist may be at the top of your list to ensure that they are aware of the specific challenges you face and how you move through the world. Having this kind of connection with a counselor will give you a sense of validation and safety which, in turn, gives you the space to explore your concerns in therapy with no fear of judgment or misunderstanding.
All in all, there is no recipe or one key thing to look for in a psychotherapist as the process of finding a counselor who “gets you” is highly individualized.
A good connection with your counselor will make you feel…
Seen
Heard
Supported
Finding the connection may be hard initially but, once you find the right fit, you will realize that it was well worth the effort as a psychotherapist directly assists in your healing and growth.
Why do I suddenly not like my therapist?
Believe it or not, suddenly not liking your therapist is more common than you may think. Feeling this sort of shift during therapy happens quite often.
Sometimes, as therapy progresses, you might realize that your counselor’s approach just isn’t cutting it for you. Or it may simply not be something you are seeking anymore. For example, maybe you started off seeing a Psychodynamic therapist, but now you are recognizing that you need an Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapist to help you process and overcome your trauma. Check out our blog “5 Healthy Ways to Cope with PTSD.”
As a general rule of thumb, we recommend meeting with your counselor three to five times before deciding to switch to another psychotherapist. This time period usually gives you enough time to build rapport and establish a connection. During this time, you can also get a sense of your counselor’s style and approach.
Here are some factors to consider when deciding to switch therapists:
There is an initial adjustment period.
Your first few sessions with a therapist are still revolving around the fact that you two are getting to know one another. Getting beyond the introductory phase and into something deeper takes work.
Do not be afraid to take a look at your progress even during these first few sessions.
While you will not hit all of your therapy goals in three to five sessions, consider how you feel speaking to your counselor. Are you anxious to see your therapist each week? Or do you feel comfortable confiding in him or her? Take a step back and see if you are moving in a positive direction.
Trust your gut instinct.
If you feel like something is off, then it probably is. Discomfort is an essential part of the therapeutic process since change is often uncomfortable. But, that does not mean that you should feel uncomfortable speaking to your mental health counselor.
Communicate your concerns with your therapist.
Telling your counselor exactly where you are at is important, even if you think it is something your psychotherapist does not want to hear. This may give you both an opportunity to clear up any misunderstandings or misalignments.
Monitor your comfort level.
After the first few sessions with your counselor, you should feel generally good about working with them. Remember that therapy is always a space where you should feel safe, understood, and supported by your therapist. Regularly feeling disconnected, judged, or generally misunderstood are red flags.
Another reason why you may not like your licensed mental health counselor all of a sudden deals with being uncomfortable with your progress. You may experience discomfort, resistance, or even distress as you may strides towards your therapy goals. This can be related to a multitude of issues, including a tendency to self-sabotage when things are going well. To learn more, read our blog “How to Stop Self-Sabotaging for Good.”
Discomfort is natural in therapy, but that does not mean that it is not unsettling. This may make you question if your counselor is a good fit for you.
Counseling may be a place where you are challenging long-held beliefs or cognitive patterns about yourself and the world around you. These beliefs or patterns influence your emotions, behavior, and self-perception. Maybe this looks like regularly practicing negative self-talk. If you struggle with this, read our blog “Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Negative Self-Talk.” Perhaps it looks like confronting unhealthy coping skills, like alcohol abuse, head-on. If you resonate with this, check out our blog “The 4 Types of Alcohol Drinkers: What Type Are You?”.
Your counselor’s job is to help you reframe your unhelpful beliefs and, initially, you may resist this change. The mental patterns you have adopted are so ingrained into your subconscious that your brain recognizes it as a form of protection, or simply a way of making sense of the things you have been through. Letting go of long-held beliefs can be disorienting, but it is an essential step if you want to move in the right direction and better your mental health.
Resistance is a natural defense mechanism that kicks in when you are close to change.
This resistance can manifest in the following ways:
Irritability
Avoidance
Even a sudden dislike of your therapist
These feelings come about as a protection mechanism so you do not have to face the discomfort of change. Being honest with your therapist can open a clear line of communication so you can work through this resistance.
Finding a therapist near me in Hoboken, New Jersey
Living in Hoboken, New Jersey comes with many advantages. Our vibrant community and lifestyle shines through in everything we do. From our close proximity to New York City to our community events and activities, the treasures of our community are virtually endless. One of these treasures include easy access to mental health counseling services!
At Anchor Therapy, we have a team of therapists who specialize in many areas of concern. Our mental health counselors work with children of all ages, teens, adults, senior citizens, families, and couples.
Some of our areas of speciality include:
We conveniently offer in-person sessions at our downtown Hoboken, New Jersey office. Our serene suite offers an escape from busy life so you can take a step back and focus on your goals (while having amazing New York City views!). Additionally, we offer virtual therapy services to all residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
Therapy near me: How do I know if it is the right fit?
Determining if you and your therapist are a good fit takes some serious assessment. It requires checking in with yourself, assessing your emotions, and taking note of the progress you have or have not made since you started working with your licensed mental health counselor near you.
Here are some key indicators that you have a good relationship with your licensed psychotherapist:
You feel heard and understood
You feel comfortable with them
You trust your therapist
Treatment is in alignment with your goals
Your therapist’s approach and style resonates with you
Your counselor challenges you when needed
Your psychotherapist is culturally competent and sensitive to your background, identity, and values
Your therapist is consistent and reliable
Your counselor maintains professional boundaries
Your therapist is open to feedback from you
Overall, you have a strong, positive feeling about your mental health counselor
Finding a therapist who is the right fit for you is important for the sake of your personal growth and healing journey. Therapy is not always rainbows and butterflies. It gives you the space needed to confront your fears and recover from past experiences. It also equips you with tools to use in the future if something pops up. For all of these reasons and more, finding a therapist who understands you will serve your mental well-being.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager, Intake Coordinator, and Community Engagement Director at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark and is currently studying Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media/community presence and prioritizing clients' needs.
IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR HELP FROM A PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR TO ASSIST YOU IN MAKING POSITIVE CHANGES IN YOUR LIFE, CONTACT US
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Our intake coordinator will get back to you with more information on how we can help and to schedule an appointment. We will set you up with an experienced licensed therapist who specializes in what you're seeking help with and who understands your needs.
You’ll rest easy tonight knowing you made the first step to improve your life.
