You may have found yourself wondering how to control your anger lately as your emotions have gotten more and more heated. Therapy is a great resource to help with anger management. Before trying therapy, you can try some tips on your own to help deal with your anger. Whenever you are dealing with big emotions, you need to give yourself the time and space to practice techniques that can help. While reading the tips below you should see which one works best for you since everyone’s different. Once you find what helps, you should practice it as often as you can so that it becomes a habitual coping mechanism.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, and life transitions. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing telehealth (video/phone) sessions to residents of New Jersey and New York.
Recognize what makes you angry:
First, you want to figure out what makes you angry in the first place. What are your triggers? Reflect back to the most recent times that you became angry. Where were you? Who were you with? Was a specific topic brought up? What were you doing?
Next, go back farther in your past and reflect on what has made you the most angry throughout your life. Ask yourself the same questions as above. Write down all these answers and then see if there’s a pattern in what gets you angry.
Once you know what gets you angry, you can be more mindful of it so that you can practice positive coping skills as soon as possible to help manage your anger that is inevitably going to rise.
Name and identify what you are feeling:
Pay attention to your body’s warning signs. Are you physically feeling any signs of increasing anger?
Some examples include:
Feeling tense
Increased heart rate
Face becoming red
Sweaty palms
Clenching your jaw
Grinding your teeth
Headache
Stomach ache
Dizziness
Shaking
By checking in with yourself, you are able to notice and feel what you are reacting to. After identifying your triggers and your physical symptoms of anger, you are able to take steps towards anger management.
Grounding Techniques to help with anger:
Below are some techniques and tips to try out the next time you are feeling angry. These are some popular tips that work for a lot of people with anger, but you want to find out what works the best for you since everyone is different. I suggest trying one out at a time and see what works the best for you.
Some examples include:
Go for a walk
Concentrate on deep breathing (Breath in through your nose while counting and then breath out from your mouth by counting to a number that is higher. And repeat.)
Listen to relaxing music
Pause before reacting to anything or anyone. Acknowledge that you are feeling angry while taking deep breaths. Ask yourself if your anger is causing you to over-react in this moment? Then decide how you want to respond by asking yourself what is the best response for this situation.
Take a hot shower
Take a cold shower or put ice on pressure points
Take a bath with relaxing scents or sea salts
Hold something like a crystal or rock
Squeeze a stress ball
Drink water
Breathe in deeply while smelling essential oils
Yoga, stretching, or exercise
Spend time with a pet
Guided meditation
Gardening
Practice:
In order for these techniques to work, you must practice them. Ideally if you can practice these anger coping techniques while you are calm then that could be very helpful as well. For something to become a healthy habit then you must repeat it as much as you can. It is also easier to do something while you are more relaxed and in a better head space.
As an example, if you find that guided meditation helps you become more relaxed when you are angry then I suggest scheduling 5-10 minutes every day to practice. There are a lot of free guided meditations on Podcasts and YouTube. You can also check out popular meditation Apps like the Calm App. Next, think about a time that you want to practice everyday. Maybe it is right before bed or the first thing in the morning. If you practice guided meditation for a few minutes everyday then your days should overall feel a bit more relaxing. And when you do become angry next, your mind will automatically know how to start becoming more mindful and relax. Practicing guided meditation is like flexing a new muscle. It may feel awkward, uncomfortable, and difficult at first but overtime it becomes second nature to use.
Anger is normal:
Don’t forget through all of this that anger is a normal human emotion. The real question is how do you react to your anger? Some people get into trouble in their relationships, with the law, at your job, or feel out of control. Reflect on how you manage and express your anger.
If you find that your anger is negatively impacting your life then you may want to take the next step of seeking out professional help. Licensed mental health counselors can be trained in anger management. There are also anger management groups and classes that you can join to get an extra level of support.
Courtney Glashow, LCSW
is a licensed psychotherapist practicing in Hoboken, New Jersey. She specializes in helping teens and adults with anxiety, depression, and life transitions through counseling. Courtney can help NY or NJ residents through telehealth (video/phone) therapy sessions as well.
